Astrology For The Weak
CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16)
Your bond with friends and family members will be stretched, but you will inspire people to start being more flexible. Even your pet will give Toga Yoga a try.
AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11)
This month, you will find yourself laughing, then weeping, then jumping for joy, then feeling a little melancholy. Get yourself some hormone shots for Pete’s sake.
PISCES (March 20 – April 18)
Some super intense emotions about work, your love life or dearest friend will surface this month. Whoa! What if your work is loving your dearest friend?
ARIES (April 18 – May 13)
You’re going to find yourself smack dab in the middle of a juicy drama for a while. The question is whether it’s an episode of Orange Julius or a Pineapple Smoothie.
TAURUS (May 13 – June21)
This month you will have all the answers and friends will be on your side. Expect applause and admiration, but don’t expect to convince or impress your mate.
GEMINI (June 21 – July 20)
You are fun! There is a spring in your step! You are smart! You are popular! You are up for a big promotion. You are dreaming. You are high. You are looney.
CANCER (July 20 – August 10)
The stars show this is a much better time for thinking than for action. With most Cancers, it’s always a better time for thinking than action. What do the stars know?
LEO (August 10 – September 16)
Things will get done, deadlines met, and your schedule is going to have a lot more room — for a lot more fun. Thank goodness for all the worker bees. Am I right?
VIRGO (September 16 – October 30)
This month, some serious socializing is just what you need. Romance is on your mind, and on your schedule. Time to reboot the computer and have a drink.
LIBRA (October 30 – November 23)
Now is a great time to shine up your resume and roam the streets looking for the right people. You know, the ones who will fall for all that stuff you made up.
SCORPIO (November 23 – November 29)
The voices in the back of your head will be speaking the truth, so listen when they warn you. Just don’t whip around fast or you be face to face with those voices.
OPHIUCHUS (November 29 – December 17)
Don’t be afraid to toss out the old in favor of the new this month. Also, don’t be surprised when the old comes back to haunt you and takes some of your goodies.
SAGITTARIUS (December 17 – January 20
You will communicate what you are feeling from the deepest part of your being. Don’t get upset if your audience seems unresponsive. Cats are funny that way.
