September 23, 2018

Astrology For The Weak

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CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16)
Expand your horizons – see a foreign film, eat ethnic food and listen to music from another country. You’ll watch Prozac Nation, eat Nachos and listen to Foreigner.

AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11)
You will take a break, go outside, sit in the sun, and close your eyes.  Ants! Get up! Run! Hop in the shower. Relax, wait, go out at night on your deck. Skunk! Run!

PISCES (March 20 – April 18)
Use your good karma to generate more good vibes by doing something super nice for somebody. Careful not to wrench your back this time, or break a leg, or…

ARIES (April 18 – May 13)
People seem to be communicating through pheromones and body language, and the month is rife with mysteries. It just may rain, so carry an umbrella. Get it?

TAURUS (May 13 – June21)
Romance is on your mind for much of the month, and it may be a good time to commit. Or, is it Comet is on your mind and it’s a good time to clean your tub?

GEMINI (June 21 – July 20)
The stars say you need to get in plenty of rest, relaxation and socializing. Remember, all work and no play makes somebody dull. Right now, any work will do.

CANCER (July 20 – August 10)
This month, you will do your very best not to feel like your family were put on this earth just to annoy you. It’s not you. After all, they annoy everyone else as well.

LEO (August 10 – September 16)
You will find the need to acknowledge your feelings and indulge in plenty of  tender loving care. Remember to love thyself, just not so much or quite as often.

VIRGO (September 16 – October 30)
You are capable of surprising a lot of people this month, including yourself. You’ll show up on time, finish early and will not break anything of value. Surprise!

LIBRA (October 30 – November 23)
You want to charge ahead while your partner wants to wait and see. Or you feel cautious and your other half is all for shooting the moon. Same old, same old.

SCORPIO (November 23 – November 29)
Concentrate all your energies and focus on the one person whose thoughts, feelings and emotions really matter to you. Unless, of course that’s still you.

OPHIUCHUS (November 29 – December 17)
Some things never change, but other things might never be exactly the same, again. Take your horoscope, for example. A few years ago it didn’t even exist.

SAGITTARIUS (December 17 – January 20
You need to keep an open mind. Try to accept the changes that will be happening in your life. Don’t waste time trying to understand or trying to figure things out.

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