November 17, 2018

Astrology for the Weak

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CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16)
You could have a great time getting a huge amount of satisfying work done this month. Or, you could just as easily be satisfied sitting around and doing nothing.

AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11)
All the positive energy generated by the celestial atmosphere will come together as you experience a rush of sensuality this month. Try to share it with someone.

PISCES (March 20 – April 18)
As autumn begins, you will consider taking up a creative new hobby. Watching the leaves fall from your oversized chaise lounge does not count as a hobby.

ARIES (April 18 – May 13)
A lover may become fed up with sitting in every day petting the cat, or trying out your latest soup recipe, and may like to do something exotic. Twister anyone?

TAURUS (May 13 – June21)
The cosmos has a special boon for you this month, as a high-powered transit will bring a very special opportunity out of the blue. I have no idea what this means.

GEMINI (June 21 – July 20)
October is a good month to go out and show that favorite someone a good time. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune, but it should involve more than pocket change.

CANCER (July 20 – August 10)
Thoughts linger along the lines of what it may be like to be with your lover on a boat trip down the Nile. Then, you’ll recall that horrific rash covering your body.

LEO (August 10 – September 16)
This month, love opportunities sizzle as a spectacular alignment may bring someone your way. It may also bring that person’s jealous former lover. Watch out.

VIRGO (September 16 – October 30)
You may not enjoy striding along in a hip boots through virtual mud and countryside, but that is the only way out of the muck your virtual mouth got you into.

LIBRA (October 30 – November 23)
You will do odd and extraordinary things for your darling love – even while you are cursing them behind their back. Be very, very careful they don’t turn around.

SCORPIO (November 23 – November 29)
Everyone seems to have found love, so why is it so hard for you? If this is going to be your lucky month, pay attention to your wardrobe, hygiene, breath, language…

OPHIUCHUS (November 29 – December 17)
This is a good time to do something unusual or unexpected, such as skydiving or horseback riding. Throw caution to the wind, but never, ever while skydiving.

SAGITTARIUS (December 17 – January 20
This month, you will have a chance to get close to someone whom you have admired from a distance. Moving your couch closer to the television will do it.

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