What’s Your Sign? Astrology for the Weak June 23-29, 2013
CAPRICORN
(January 19 – February 16)
The stars show that you should let other people take charge of things this month. But, of course, you won’t. You’re a Capricorn and only you’re the boss of you.
AQUARIUS
(February 16 – March 11)
It is really important to give your body a good chunk of vigorous exercise. After all, during the spring months you put a good chunk of junk in your trunk.
PISCES
(March 20 – April 18)
Soak up misguided attention. Enjoy being in the limelight. Savor all the adulation you’re getting. Very soon, people will discover you are not actually royalty.
ARIES
(April 18 – May 13)
This month, you will receive all kinds of compliments. People will smilingly refer to you as mundane, insipid, quotidian, innocuous, and always in attendance.
TAURUS
(May 13 – June21)
You are ready for some pretty deep thoughts and transcendent feelings and a profound sense of understanding. Sadly, you’re all dressed up and nowhere to go.
GEMINI
(June 21 – July 20)
This June, take a break from frivolous events and flaky people and head for home, where you find more frivolous events and flaky people. But, hey they’re family.
CANCER
(July 20 – August 10)
Now is a great time for mapping out long-term strategies and plans. After all, those short-term strategies and plans have already gone to hell in a hand basket.
LEO
(August 10 – September 16)
You need to put a smile on your face when dealing with others this month. No matter how boring people you work with are, give ’em the big yippee and woo hoo.
VIRGO
(September 16 – October 30)
This month, you will try to just go with the flow. You will be impulsive and spontaneous. Unfortunately, no one notices and it really makes no difference.
LIBRA
(October 30 – November 23)
People will be mean and confusing. They’ll tell you to go to Hades and take a toothbrush. Why would you need to brush your teeth in Hades? What should you wear?
SCORPIO
(November 23 – November 29)
You’ll be struck with a touch of melancholy for picnics, sunny days, schoolmates and parties. Then you recall the ants, sunburns, gym outfits and toilet hugging.
OPHIUCHUS
(November 29 – December 17)
Your powers of intuition are absolutely remarkable in June. People will doubt you and mock you. But then you knew they would. Must be that intuition thing.
SAGITTARIUS
(December 17 – January 20
This month, people will seem magically drawn to you. You’ll be like a magnet. Remember, opposites attract and everyone you made fun of will be stuck to you.
