Horoscopes for October 26-November 1, 2014
CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) In October, you may be of two minds about something. This will come as a great relief. Until this October, you were of three or more minds about most things. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) You going to fall in love with yourself all over again this October. Like before, you will get along well for a while, then fight, leading to a painful breakup. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) Some forecasts show that your fashion choices, your musical taste and your overall style have everyone buzzing with admiration. Other forecasts say…
Inside The News . . .
SHADOWY NEWS: A groundhog died after being handled and then dropped by New York City Mayor, Bill de Blazio during this year’s Staten Island Zoo Groundhog Day ceremony. First, the groundhog was not the regular groundhog, Chuck but a stand-in named Charlotte, who saw her shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. Perhaps the people running the zoo should realize groundhogs are wild rodents and not pets or playthings. MUTANT NINJA NEWS: A Canadian man has been charged after border agents at the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel found more than 50 turtles strapped to his body and hidden between his legs. The…
No News from Doodlebug Island . . . by William F. Jordan
Home remodeling is all the rage on Doodlebug Island these days. Contractors and sub-contractors have been engaged for a hundred miles in every direction, and they’re busier than a team of psychiatrists at a Tea Party convention. Delivery trucks are lining up to cross the narrow bridge leading to the Island, while a few impatient drivers have found their own crossing, and all but a couple have made it. Those two learned to their regret that the placid waters of Oak Creek can be treacherous, especially when augmented by runoff from summer rains. Both the matter of change and the…
cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: ANGER “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Ambrose Bierce “Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.” Anonymous “All angry persons are to be treated, by the prudent, as children.” Samuel Richardson “Whate’ers begun in anger ends in shame.”…
Typical Excentric Reader
This month’s typical Excentric Reader is Tom Buroojy Well – it’s where Tom was supposed to be. He had a copy of his favorite paper, February 2014 issue with him on vacation in Scottsdale one very hot day. Rather than fry or misuse the paper for a sun screen, he rested it in the shade, along with a plastic spoon. According to Tom, the spoon was laying in wait for the ice cream vendor due to arrive soon. Tom went inside and waited for the familiar tune blasting from the truck. Take heed of the headline, Tom. Related posts: Typical…
Butter and Cream . . . by Joel Mann, Staff Wine (And Beer) Tasting Guy
Buttery, creamy tastes in wines are quite popular, particularly when it when it comes to Chardonnay. The flavor adds a richness to wines, and generally is a pleasing and comforting taste sensation for many people. There are numerous instances where buttery flavor is highly undesired though. Brewers consider the flavor a defect in most beers. Whether sought after or cursed as a flaw, the buttery, creamy flavor of fermented beverages all come from the same source – diacetyl. This month I wanted to delve a little deeper into diacetyl and better explain what the buttery flavor is, and where it…
Astrology for the Weak
CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) You could have a great time getting a huge amount of satisfying work done this month. Or, you could just as easily be satisfied sitting around and doing nothing. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) All the positive energy generated by the celestial atmosphere will come together as you experience a rush of sensuality this month. Try to share it with someone. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) As autumn begins, you will consider taking up a creative new hobby. Watching the leaves fall from your oversized chaise lounge does not count as a…
Horoscopes for October 12-18, 2014
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) You will find happiness in October. Unfortunately, this will happen right before you lose your keys, your mate, your job and finally your sense of self respect. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) People say they can tell a lot about a person from their handshake. While you may want to strengthen yours, you will definitely want to get rid of the curtsy. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You will describe yourself as a take charge kind of person. You will be more successful when you are also a take cash and checks kind…
Time To Show A Little More Respect . . .
Too often, it’s too easy to poke fun at our elder community. We need to spend more time listening to their stories and learning from them. They’re not about technological toys, but life. We need to learn more about love, traditions, compassion and priorities. If only we would take the time to listen to their stories of times gone by. While advancements are made technologically with every generation at a pace that is at times unfathomable, as humans, we benefit more from understanding our past than reinventing our future. Even Albert Einstein saw this dilemma when he said, “I fear…
Frankly Fanny by Herself
Dear Frankly: I have read many of your advice columns throughout the years. You often offer confusing and conflicting advice regarding life-long commitment. I am a 31-year-old male who has never been married. If I followed some people’s advice I would still be a virgin and never have had an emotionally significant relationship with a woman. More and more people today are postponing marriage. Does this mean they should not have significant relationships or sex? Disturbed Donnie Dear Disturbed: I would never deny anyone of pursuing a healthy relationship that included making love. Casual sex is one thing, but meaningful…
No More Rush to Judgement
The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at the United State 113th Congress. Our staff began with looking at their current status. Congress is on vacation – AGAIN. They were in session 118 days through September. They voted on one or two items, held a few repetitive hearings on senseless topics and left for another vacation for more than a month after just returning from nearly a month off. Keeping in mind Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming and there are only 365 days in a year, they will end up showing up for less than half a year. The…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
INTELLIGENT LIFE They’re searching for pollution all Across the Universe Because, they say, all folks like us Commit the common curse Of spewing crap into the air And poisoning the ground, Enabling detection, so Those E.T.’s can be found, And, finally, lay to rest the search For higher forms of life, Whose brains, like ours, evolved and grew Behaviors that were rife With growing fat and lazy while Extracting coal and gas To fuel their stupid cars so they Could slouch there on their ass And motor to extinction through Stop lights all blinking red, So, by the time we…
Kozmik Korner by lush Gumball
Q: I read articles recently about people who would be awakened in the middle of the night not being able to move for about a minute or so, panicking, heavy chest, and finding it hard to breathe. I told this to one of my friends at work and they said it was called “Old Hags Syndrom.” I had never heard of it and thought they were making it up, so I searched on my computer. Not only was it a medical condition, but there was a Facebook page dedicated to it. Has anyone written about this condition before? A: Regular…
Big Picture Page
One needs to take special precautions when asking to have your back scratched. Here are a few simple and easy rules to follow. 1) Never, ever approach a stranger and request they lay their hands on any part of your body. If necessary, just scratch yourself, even when in public. If it is a body part that you can’t reach that itches, find the nearest tree or building corner. 2) When having your itch scratched, try to avoid groaning with pleasure or hollering with excitement like Meg Ryan during her orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. People tend to…
Letter To The Editor. . . From Kentucky Gal
Good afternoon, Thom. Lazy, hot summer afternoon here. Been as hot as the Hinges of Hell the last couple of weeks with little to no rain.Glenn hasn’t mowed in nearly 6 weeks and the trees are dropping their leaves due to dryness rather than the possibility of oncoming fall weather. Mother Nature has had a real “attitude” this season. Our container gardening efforts paid off handsomely, along with several rows of Italian green beans and corn in the big garden in the back of the house. We ate fresh Italian green beans, corn, tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, eggplant, bell peppers,…
Truth Or Myth . . . By Bishop, Outgoing Summer Trainee
Why beauty? It breaks us free of the domination of economics; it is the path for living well. Dandy Randy Huge snails were seized at LA Airport, a delicacy in Hollywood salons, when not being eaten or eating paint and stucco off the side of brick houses if veggies are not available. Not far away, a famous movie star is building a nine-foot fence to protect her family from noise and neighbors. Meanwhile, in a hotel nearby, a peevish, angry rage has been unfolding in a massive ballroom. Men’s faults, failings and foibles are the target of third-wave feminism. A…
Horoscopes for October 5-11, 2014
CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) You going to fall in love with yourself all over again this October. Like before, you will get along well for a while, then fight, leading to a painful breakup. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) Some forecasts show that your fashion choices, your musical taste and your overall style have everyone buzzing with admiration. Other forecasts say “nah.” PISCES (March 20 – April 18) This month, you could have a flash of inspiration that illuminates the potential future in a profound way. Not to worry – like a kidney stone, this too shall…
Dueling . . . by Joseph G. Evrard, Staff Kentuckian
“I do solemnly swear that I will support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the Commonwealth and be faithful and true to the Commonwealth of Kentucky so long as I continue a citizen thereof, and that I will faithfully execute, to the best of my ability, the office of Election Official according to law; and I do further solemnly swear that since the adoption of the recent Constitution, I, being a citizen of this state, have not fought a duel with deadly weapons within this State nor out of it, nor have I sent or accepted…
That Really Bunches My Panties . . . by Brendon Marks
I read once that you shouldn’t make your work environment too much like home, or you may not want to leave and therefore become dull by falling prey to the ‘all work and no play’ syndrome. Many occupations (like coal miner, hog farmer, or honey wagon operator) rarely worry about this situation, but office workers must ever be on their guard. I’m an early riser and usually was the first to arrive at work. While wandering the halls one morning it occurred to me that cubicle content says a lot about the occupant. I use to work for a major…
Automotive Breakdown . . . by Denny Mandeville
In all your life have you ever seen the government be proactive? Try as I might, I can’t remember anything I would call proactive in the domestic field. Well new technology has some, in government, actually being proactive- although the term “proactive” is not quite right. California and Nevada have laws and regulations on the books concerning autonomous automobiles, and other states are scrambling to copy the regulations as autonomous cars start to loom closer on the horizon. We are not talking the “slot car” autonomy of Popular Mechanics magazine from the 50-60’s, we’re talking no driver in the car….
