March 28, 2024

Horoscopes for September 22-28, 2014

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) You will find it effortless to turn away from the dramatically unsocial people in your life and not ever look back again. Probably because they can run so fast. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) Some forecasts have pies and rubber chickens flying in your path. That is ridiculous. The stars show you dodging gluten free carrot cakes and rubber duckies. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) Just like a long race in the Olympics, you may want to pace yourself. Winning the first lap isn’t important, it’s finishing first. It’s a metaphor for sex,…

Inside The News

NOT DEAD YET NEWS: A man, declared dead in 1994, has tried unsuccessfully to undo his death. Even as he stood in court last year providing evidence of his existence, a Hancock County judge turned down a request to bring him back to life, citing a three-year limit for changing a death ruling. But the Social Security Administration accepts his new life and wants his two daughters to return more than $47,000 to cover benefits they received. THUNDERBIRD NEWS: A Texas woman allegedly stole a bottle of $3.99 wine from a convenience store to get arrested and see her jailed…

The World’s Most Popular White Wine . . . by Joel Mann

Wine is often described in terms of masculinity or femininity. In that regard, Cabernet Sauvignon is considered the king as the world’s most popular red variety. The queen is undoubtedly the world’s most popular white wine, Chardonnay. The popularity of Chardonnay is a relatively recent event, dating back to the beginnings of post-World War II viticulture in new world locales such as California and Australia. Its true dominance came recently, as modern palates fell in love with the wide range of flavors the grape provides, and the malleability for winemakers to alter those tastes in the cellar. While a few…

Time To Show A Little Respect , , ,

Too often, it’s too easy to poke fun at our elder community. We need to spend more time getting their stories and learning from them, not about technological toys, but life. We need to learn more about love, traditions, compassion and priorities. If only we would take the time to listen to their stories of times gone by. While advancements are made technologically with every generation at a pace that is at times unfathomable, as humans, we would benefit more from understanding our past than reinventing our future. Even Albert Einstein saw this dilemma when he said, “I fear the…

Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at adages and puts them to the Myth or Fact Test. We are more thorough than the typical tests done by typical testers. Take the adage that blondes have more fun. It must first be accepted that most blondes achieve their hair color from a bottle. It is usually easy to detect, as there are other body parts with hair that are of natural origin – like the eyebrows. In order to discover whether or not there is more fun had by natural blondes, our staff members went as far back as…

Typical Excentric Reader

This month’s typical Excentric Readers is Nan Anders, who hails from Sun City, AZ. Nan is pictured here on vacation in front of the Lone Cypress, one of the most photographed trees in North America. The really old tree is located between two of world’s most well known golf courses. The cypress has been scarred by fire and has been held in place with cables for 65 years. While Nan is considerably younger than Lone Cypress, and not held together with wires, she stands a majestic figure in her own right. Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical…

Astrology For The Weak

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) It could be that your first reaction to an emotional dilemma is to drown your sorrows in drink. But, realize that if that works, you’ll have to keep on drinking. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) Don’t keep bouncing around from one thing to the next in order to avoid the obvious. Stick with one thing and only one thing even if you completely suck at it. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) This month, you will be your most sincere, honest, and appealing. It won’t matter much, as most people will see right…

Frankly Fanny . . . by Herself

Dear Frankly: I am happy to maintained a close friendship since childhood. I recently discovered my best friend’s husband is cheating on her with a neighbor of mine. I see him with her often during the weekday. My friend has wonderful children and I hesitate to be the one who disturbs the peace. Maybe she’s better of status quo. Should I tell my friend and chance that she would want to know? I am at my wits end. What do you think I should do? Troubled Theresa Dear Troubled: You are privy to first hand information that your friend’s husband…

Kozmik Korner by Lush Gumball

Q:  I read the strangest thing. Some guy with a drinking problem lost his front partial between visiting a bar and a bank. His girlfriend accused him of puking them off into a toilet and flushing them away. He couldn’t recall where they got off to. A year later, after the couple had separated, he was visiting her. She woke one morning to find his teeth sitting in her kitchen sink. He accused her of swiping them and making him miserable. She contends they were returned by prankster spirits. What do you think? A: Prankster spirits, drinking problem – funny!…

Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

THREE DAYS A terminal condition called Old Age is on my tail! With three days left to live I feel Great pressure not to fail! And, so, I have decided to be Happy ’til the end! — To smile and laugh and giggle ’til I finally ascend! And, if, three days from now I find I’m still not drawing flies, I’ll tack another three days on And postpone my goodbyes. And, three days hence, if once again I’m still not feeding worms, I’ll add another three to find I’ve lately come to terms With something that’s eluded me! It’s simple,…

A Dedication and Remembrance!

Every September since 2001, we have placed this picture on this page in memory of first responders and unsung heroes of everyday life in America. We tend to forget what makes us special. We are the people that run toward the fire to help someone in need. we are the people that reach out a hand to help someone up who is down. We are the people who, in spite of color, religious and political differences, march together against social injustice. We are the people who demand the right to vote, the right to peacefully assemble, the right to pursue…

TOP 10 Darwin Awards . . . Unbelievable

10. It was reported that in Australia in 1989 a Kung-Fu student tried to take on a lion at the Melbourne zoo in one on one, man to cat combat. As confirmed, the highly unbelievable story goes, during his martial arts class the instructor commented on how well the class was doing and how they were “ready to take on the wild animals.” One young gentleman decided to try his hand at lion fighting. The irony is that his hands were the only things left when the lions were finished with him. 9. You are locked out of your house…

Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction . . . By Bishop, Special Excentric Savant

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.                                                                          H.D. Thoreau While they were drinking shots of primordial vodka, gorging on caviar and sharing philosophies, the then-jolly Soviet leader gave the then-President Nixon a slice of advice: Alleged Khrushchev: “The trick is tell the people there is a river over there. And if they say they don’t see it, if they say there is no river over there, tell them to look harder, there is a river over there.” Of course, the Soviet propaganda was nurturing Nixon’s imaginings, perhaps thinking such a tip would help Tricky Dick get some…

Mustard . . . by Joseph G. Evrard, Staff Kentuckian

Do you have any idea how many types of mustard are out there? If you thought there were a lot of different brands of hot sauce, you ain’t seen nothin’ until you’ve investigated mustard. There’s good old fashioned yellow mustard (the kind you put on your hot dog at the ball game), coarse ground mustard, sweet mustard, vinegar mustard, spicy brown mustard, honey mustard, horseradish mustard, and on, and on, and on. My Daddy (who was a mountain man, through and through) used to make his own mustard. He took great pride in his patch of mustard vines, which needed…

That Really Bunches My Panties . . . by Brendon Marks

Whenever two or more runners get together to chat, invariably the subject of chip timing comes up. It’s the rare runner who is ambivalent about the subject. You’re either for it or you’re against it, and usually with great passion. For those folks who don’t know what chip timing is, I’ll explain. For those folks who don’t care, bear with me and you may change your mind. You buy or borrow a chip that’s about the size of a quarter that is associated with a unique serial number, fasten it to your shoe, stuff in your sock, or duct tape…

Horoscopes for September 7-13, 2014

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) You will find it effortless to turn away from the dramatically unsocial people in your life and not ever look back again. Probably because they can run so fast. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) Some forecasts have pies and rubber chickens flying in your path. That is ridiculous. The stars show you dodging gluten free carrot cakes and rubber duckies. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) Just like a long race in the Olympics, you may want to pace yourself. Winning the first lap isn’t important, it’s finishing first. It’s a metaphor for…

Automotive Breakdown . . . by Denny Mandeville

As long as we are on the “do you remember” kick- and may be on it for awhile as I relive the more  carefree days of high school and the “California Dreamin’” days. Early 1960s high school in rural New York were the days of hot cars, wanna be hot cars, and the family sedan driven like it was a hot car. Cars you could buy from the dealer, or cars built by the owners. This was also in the days when the Feds and state governments were by-passing the little towns with the better built highways. Of course, to…

New Immigrant Requirements

Not known for their rippling abdomens, migratory workers are now being forced to resort to wearing these new ready made rubberized six-pack abs. The owner of an Arizona pecan grove interviewed these two migratory workers to pick his nuts. Observing their superb physique, the plantation grower and processor was so impressed he hired both men on the spot. Of course, following pecan harvesting season, they, like other migrant workers, will be forced to move on to pick something else.   Related posts: Latest in Apartment Living Crackdown on Immigration The Curse of 2611 West Highway 89A The Government, Part Whatever,…

Excentric Look Into The Future

In October, our staff takes a look at the matching of pets with their guardians. As one can easily determine from this photo, the facial features of this woman are similar to the expression offered by the mastiff taking up the entire back seat of the vehicle. Comparisons of guardians of tropical fish proved to be more difficult to pair. Related posts: An Excentric Look Into The Future Excentric Look into The Future An Excentric Look Into The Future An Excentric Look Into The Future

NUDISTS’ CONVENTION HERE

Pictured is one of the locations being consider by leaders of a group of people representing vacationing nudists from around the world. Each year they seek out a new beautiful location to do a little sun worshiping and fill in their tan lines. They do their best to avoid places where ogling spectators gather, whistling and cat calling and generally harassing the peaceful, unfettered clean air lovers. At times, unsuspecting hikers or campers stumble across a person or group sunbathing without the constriction of clothing. For some nudists, it is a medical issue, as they have allergies to GMO cotton seeds….